We continue our crime fiction letters to Santa with two more: a hero and anti-hero of hard boiled fiction.
To One Mr. Clause,
As the boulevard plays its symphony of car horns and bustling masses congregate outside my window, I turn to these wishes to make the walk down those mean streets a little lighter.
- Pipe tobacco
- New chess set
- Updated LA street map
- A trustworthy client
- The kind of brunette that makes you think of apple pie sitting on a Midwest window sill
If you deliver these goods, you get to back to Mrs. Clause and the reindeer unharmed.
- Blueprints for National Bank
- A box man who can do his job in under five
- A .45 automatic that doesn’t jam
- Get Grofeld to shut up
- A look out who won’t stab me in back
- 3lbs of plastique explosives
- Even terser dialogue
Come alone, no damn elves.